Early on in our recovery we all ask this question, and it is a stage we all seem to go through before we break through to the other side.
‘Why can’t I drink ‘normally’
Time and time again I watch clients get frustrated with themselves for not being able to do this and especially at this time of year when everyone else seems to be having ‘fun’ with alcohol, drugs and food, we feel isolated and like the only one who can’t ‘just have one’.
How I see and describe the trying to be like everyone else when you’re not is living in ‘the grey area’; a place an addict gets stuck in with the belief that they can make themselves fit into a hole they never can. A place that is full of struggle, is difficult, and everlasting. It’s a place where you cannot ever experience freedom for there is always an element of having to TRY to moderate in social situations. There is continual effort and it is exhausting, and will always end in a binge and the subsequent regret, despair, remorse.
An addict CANNOT drink moderately and needs to learn (the hard way usually, the ‘hard bus’ as the chocolate shaman calls it) in their own time and come to a place of acceptance around this. The good news is that once here freedom is just around the corner; a place that can NEVER be found when in the grey area, for the grey area holds you in its grip and never allows you to get any further.
This is the very reason why I believe addicts are the lucky ones.
We have the chance of freedom.
We can step out of the grey area FOR GOOD and never have to deal with that dreadful place again.
This is freedom.
Once extracted you never even THINK about having a drink because why would you even want to put that poison in your body moderately???!!!!
Now you feel SORRY for those that are drinking moderately, for if they are not addicted and don’t have to do that then why on earth are they drinking a toxin for pleasure? You are either using it to numb out or give you something that us meditators can find naturally within ourselves; so who are the lucky ones?
On QS we begin to see life and drinking in a new way; realising that we are being given an opportunity that not everyone has and begin to see our addiction AS A GIFT.
Here is part of a conversation that happened on the private QS forum yesterday:
Person 1: “Finally did the meditation from last night, on my gosh, so touching seeing the candles being lit, so powerful knowing all that has happened in the last 9 years has propelled me to here, and the shift from guilt to gratitude for all those painful experiences that have lead me on this path ….which just amazes me. I’m so so grateful I found this group of amazing people and I thank Jo and you all for being there in always perfect divine timing. Huge love and a belated happy magical new year”
Person 2: “this group is changing my life on a daily basis and I am so bloody grateful and feel so lucky and supported. Finally I can see a future which is bright. I always felt so alone in my battles with booze. So happy to hear you say this, and the meditations are magical, you think they are not doing anything and then small shifts start to happen and 3 months in to the program, I am feeling free! Happy New Year to you and happy to meet you. Great timing too – something very powerful and purposeful about a New Year – good luck and keep posting”
Person 1: “Thank you ***, I did feel so alone and shameful about it, I’d look round and see everyone else drinking “normally” and wonder what was wrong with me and tried to justify drinking the whole time but I knew in my heart that it was all an illusion and it diminished me. And yes, to see a bright future instead of what I always thought would be a painful struggle is a revelation! Love that you’re 3 months in and feeling free, again so inspirational! Thank you!”
Person 2: “I think finding this group and community is a miracle. And if you have blips or drinking episodes along the way it’s OK. Share them because you’ll get so much support and advice and can move on quickly. They sometimes need to happen. And that’s the difference, there is no shame or judging because we’ve all been there in some shape or form. Connecting and sharing is really powerful. I can’t believe how excited I was about last night’s meditation and staying in!!! So somethings working. Lots of love”
*First published January 2017
Member Quote Of The Day.
In this section you will read something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over on the very lively private forum:
Having the most positive time this xmas.
I’d come off Facebook for a while hence I haven’t posted.
I’m now going to add the Facebook app back to my phone to keep in touch more.
I’m so happily sober it’s unreal.
I hope you are having a wonderful xmas xx”
L, Residential Retreat and Online Member