I’m going through one of these phases right now
I know where I am going; where I wish to be
But my head hasn’t caught up yet, so the motivation isn’t there

Part of me is ready
The rest isn’t

Right now the manifestation of this is with food
In May I made the commitment to eat 90% raw for a year
It lasted nine weeks
~ and I felt A M A Z I N G, alive, free, awake ~

Then I reverted back to (near) ‘normal’ eating
And felt MAJORLY FRUSTRATED
Because part of me has already made the leap
But the other half is holding on tight to

‘normality’
‘the past’
‘safety’

So like many times in my life I feel torn
Trapped between realities
Not quite yet with both feet in the new paradigm
But knowing exactly where I am headed

Some will say I’ve FAILED
My challenge didn’t really get further than 2.5 months
And that may be your perception
~ which is of course fine

But
I have shifted
I know I’ll get there
I am in a TRANSITION period
Edging closer
Doing the groundwork
And I also know that soon something will click and I will EFFORTLESSLY step with both feet into my new reality. This year has been about old patterns coming up for clearing; beliefs and patterns around food that had gone unnoticed before, but are now startlingly obvious.

~ why do I still crave dense heavy foods?
~ why do I feel I am missing out when not eating them?
~ why feel deprived when gifting myself the food that I know my body adores?

What’s super interesting is that I am learning:
when I eat from my body
and
when I eat from my mind
two startlingly different ways of eating

So I wade through societies conditioning of:

~ what I ‘should’ eat
~ how I am meant to ‘celebrate’ with food
~ how my whole life I have ‘rewarded’ myself with food that destroys my cells

And I am working through it all, and once I am able to learn the lessons fully the manifestations of struggle will fall away; another layer cast off like an animals summer molt; I am moving into a new season, more density is dropping, and I continue to take steps into a new world.

Don’t get me wrong I have already come so far on this food journey
BUT
Intuitively I feel a pull back
Like part of me is pushing forwards; ready for so much more
But there is a scared part; scared of just who I could be once the toxins have been shed once and for all

Of course the answer is to relax into it
Know that it is all part of the process
You cannot rush these things!
Us humans have to go at our own pace, which is of course different for each of us
And please if these words resonate with a pattern in your life right now,
DON’T MAKE IT WRONG
It’s meant to be this way
It’s not a mistake, it’s a MIS-TAKE
Just like in the movies where a scene can have many takes to get it ‘right’
So too do we in our own learnings
We edge a little closer
Closer
Closer
Then we pull back a little
And so the cycle continues
Over and over again
Forwards and back
Forwards and back
Forwards a little more
And then back again
And we sometimes are do deeply entrenched in the story of it that we don’t realise that we are in fact edging closer, even if it feels we are static

There are MORE steps FORWARDS than back
And sometimes it takes a momentous occasion to realise that ~frigging wow~ we have come SO VERY FAR from the beginning, when we first woke up and began the journey home

Having said all of this, in all other areas of life I am shifting at an almost alarming speed
Shedding skin after skin
Reaching depths of myself that I never knew existed
Realisations coming like bullets;
Powerful, sharp, and sure
There can be no going back to how it used to be

I like me more everyday
Who I am showing to the world
How authentic I am now
And just how easy it’s all becoming