The Urge Monster 👿


Four years ago today
I took my last drink ever.

And I knew that it was my last because this time something was different.
Something in my mind had changed, and it was strange because I didn’t even tell anyone outwardly that I’d just had my last drink because they’d heard it all before, many many times.

So this time I kept it to myself.
Like a gift that no one knew about.
The ultimate gift an addict can grant themselves; to finally step off the merry-go-round once and for all.

And because I’d outright made the decision; had made some sort of internal pact with myself; fully committed to a new way of life, even though it was scary, IT WAS EASY.

And it was weird.
Because it wasn’t the same as all of the other times that I’d ‘tried’ to give up.
A fundamental shift had occurred and now I was bigger than it.
I felt that all of the times before had seemed to be such an effort because it was still bigger than me, but now I had done ‘the work’ and because the internal shift had happened, a key turned and everything was different.

I’d never been here before.

My first sober day was a Monday and that first week wasn’t too bad. However, I got an almighty trigger on my first sober Sunday. Dom and I were in the kitchen cooking a roast, it was noon, and he cracked open a bottle of wine.


It hit me like a sledgehammer.
“Drink!” it said
And I had an image of a huge monster towering over, with me powerless underneath being eaten alive, and I absolutely knew that:


I had a choice,
Either allow myself to be consumed by this monster, or change the story for good.
It was a quantum moment for I remember everything about it; I can take myself back there in an instant, into the kitchen of my old house; looking out of the window to the street; knowing that I was about to rewrite the script.

“I could have a drink” 

I allowed the thought to enter my mind, and then I examined it.
It hung heavy in the kitchen as I heard the TV from the living room and kids shouting at each other upstairs.
I quickly jumped to a few hours ahead and saw myself drunk and slurring my words, and then a flash forwards to the morning with a heavy head and regret in my heart, and I knew that I was ready for this moment.

Then I watched as the monster shrunk and I towered over it.
I had killed it in that instant.
I was now bigger than it.

And from that moment it all changed, I had experienced my own power.
I understood what it meant to TRANSCEND the addictive urge.
To laugh at it and know that from now on whenever it came it was that monster trying to trick me, but I had now got it sussed, and so it was dying. And believe me it didn’t want to die without a fight, it kept on going for the next few weeks and months BUT I became accustomed to it and began to wait sometimes for the urge; and I was always ready for it!

It actually became a game
And every single time the urge monster came at me it was smaller than the last time, and never again was it as big as that first day.

For I had stopped feeding it.
And anything that has had it’s food supply stopped is going to die.

Four years later and looking back on that day is like a different life.
I can recall it in an instant but there is no emotional charge.
For I am totally free.
And I couldn’t be happier about the fact that I will never drink again, for it represents all that was rotten in my life. And freedom is bliss.

No more running away.
No more numbing out.
Now it’s about living in full technicolour!
Feeling it all.
Experiencing everything.
Nothing is off limits now.

And if you are not there yet, then please know that it’s possible.
Please connect to that place in your heart that is free,
and come home to yourself.

You deserve it.
You are enough.
Please come and join me in heaven on earth xx

Member Quote Of The Day:

Read here something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over in our lively private forum:

Morning all – just finished my month two meditation which is wonderful, I was really in my alternative sober reality and trust that this is (will be) my true reality now and my addicted, self loathing, stressful, unhappy reality will be the alternative.

Online Member



Share this post