I’ve spent the holiday being an observer; always a nosy person, this role suits me perfectly. Sitting on my sun lounger behind dark glasses is the perfect position to watch the goings on around the pool….
I’d clocked ‘Paul’, ‘Mary’, ‘John’ and ‘Penny’ around the pool the day before. They were in good spirits, jovial, smiley, having a good time. However, the following day it had changed. Penny was not with the others, and as Mary repetitively asked John if she was ok I assumed that Penny was feeling poorly.
Later in the afternoon my ears pricked up when I heard Mary say,
“Penny’s been spotted on the beach John”
To which John replied,
“I’m not going to speak to her, she has to apologise first”
They had argued it seemed and spent the day apart, refusing to speak to each other. And it got me thinking about why we argue. Ultimately it is because the other has not done what we wanted them to do, but of course we know that an individuals life is seen through a unique set of lenses / perceptions / beliefs, so how could two people EVER see a situation in the same way. There HAS to be, and I am going to give this word its own line for it is so important:
And alcohol takes this away
Perhaps Penny and John argued under the influence the night before, when they were not them-TRUE-selves, or maybe it was in the morning hungover state when we are foggy with brains and bodies desperately trying to get that poison out.
Dom and I were trying to remember the last time we argued, and it was when Dom was still drinking. When I was drinking too we fought like cat and dog, with some of the arguments getting pretty heated.
The booze, and the arguments, dropped 21 months ago
Now there is no need to argue for we
And don’t get me wrong we don’t agree on everything, far from it, especially as we run two businesses together. But there is respect for the others opinion, and an acceptance that we are on each others side, not opponents in some sort of game.
Christmas can be a difficult time of year because of family commitments and the level of booze that is normally consumed. So you need to be on your guard for others’ expectations of you and the situation, and realise that they are not really themselves once they’ve taken that first drink; they are not going to be capable of
….with you in the same manner you are used to in ‘normal’ life. Be prepared. Get ready for this and know how you are going to respond; with love if you can. They will not be being them-TRUE-selves, so have compassion for them in this altered state; they’ve taken themselves away from reality (as have you if you take that drink) so that they react from a place of toxicity.
How can anyone expect to know what you are thinking, feeling, hoping?
IF YOU DO NOT COMMUNICATE
How can the other accommodate your needs and desires
IF YOU DO NOT COMMUNICATE THEM?
How can we all get along well
IF WE DO NOT COMMUNICATE?
Close your eyes
Become aware of your breath
Drop down into your heart
Listen to its voice of truth
What are you feeling?
What do you need to say?
Or is silence in the situation the best move?
This short exercise reconnects you with your-TRUE-self
And the more you get used to doing it in your ‘normal’ day-to-day living
The easier it is to call on when you are in the middle of a drama
And let’s face it Christmas can be one long headache!
The next day Penny and John were both back around the pool
And they seemed to have a great rest of the holiday
Can we make this holiday season the most drama-less one ever?
Can we COMMUNICATE our feelings
Can we stay connected to our truth
Can we have compassion for others who haven’t yet found their own truth…
*this blog was first published in December 2017
Member Quote Of The Day.
In this section you will read something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over on the very lively private forum: