Of course back then I was searching so desperately to ‘find myself’; taking drugs to reach the level that I am now constantly in -sober- and I know that part of this journey, and the fact it is in a country where when younger I so heavily abused my body, is about healing the past so that I can step forwards more clearly into the future.
I’m doing this journey zonder (Dutch for without) social media, even deleting the messenger and Facebook apps from my phone as I can’t be trusted not to have a sneaky check. The first day I caught myself doing just that with Whattsapp and emails, but soon began to settle into not checking my phone every five minutes. Of course social media is a rampant addiction sweeping all western societies, and I have been longing to flush out the compulsion to pick my phone up needlessly throughout the day, and create a healthier relationship to the digital world.
As I meditated in my room on the first day a question dropped in,
Of course as soon as we lay our happiness or acceptance of self EXTERNALLY we are absolutely doomed to fail. By giving our power away, no matter what the substance is, we empty ourselves of life force and end up depleted emotionally, spiritually as well as physically.
You may not have had a habit for drugs or alcohol but do you have an addiction to social media? What you search for in your tiny screen, can you also find within yourself? Acceptance, entertainment, happiness, what else does your phone give you? And why can’t you find that within yourself?
Already I had gifted myself a powerful insight and I hadn’t even arrived at the venue yet! My day one travel day was spent at Eindhoven airport in the most amazing hotel room in a hotel perched above the airport terminal. My room had a birds-eye view of the runway, and for this girl who absolutely loves flying and people watching, I was in heaven.
Got my watch on, phone is packed away, and am off to the venue now with the first session later on today. I know that when I return to this airport in seven days time I am going to be feeling very very different. I feel a redirection on my own course trajectory coming, and I am ready!