Making Sense Of It All 📝

Daily Motivation 301

 

Of course there are really cringy moments when reading back old journals, and I know that many of my clients have burnt theirs, but for me it is an important part of my journey and I am so glad I have the reference of my ‘old’ and ‘new’ lives.
For it IS like I’ve lived two lives:
Party Jo and Yoga Jo (is who I call them)
I am no longer who I was, that is clear for anyone to see, and I love who I have become
 
And I can see that it was always meant to be like this. Even as a young child I had two imaginary friends;
Big Jo – naughty
Little Jo – good
 
Through therapy, meditation and much self-reflection the old Jo has been released but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love her; quite the opposite, I see the woundedness of her, the loneliness and potential. I had to go through all of that to become who I am today, so how could I not celebrate it all?
 
And from the ruins of my ‘old’ life rose the ability, empathy and understanding to guide others along a similar path too;
It was ALL worth it
Every tear
Every sleep-less night
Every time I had ‘the horrors’ (see below for an example)
For I was in training
I was getting ready for what I believe I was put on this planet to do
And I couldn’t be doing what I am without having been through the crap first. So not only do I celebrate every struggle in my life, but I THANK THEM.
 
For without the struggle I would never have TRANSCENDED addiction
I would never have found freedom
So can you see that for you also it is meant to be this way
You were MEANT to go through this
So don’t make it wrong
Welcome the struggle, see the learning, and then set yourself free….
 
➡️ August 2006 ⬅️
 
❝I’m having the horrors!
My drinking problem is actually a major problem.
I have known this for a while now, but today the full impact landed:
 
• Not wanting to watch *** video of her wedding because of my embarrassing drunken behaviour.
• Not enjoying her photos because there’s so many of me in the limelight.
• *** having to get me home because I couldn’t do it myself.
• Getting strangers on the train to listen to my music.
• Emailing *** once, nearly twice.
• Texting *** numerous times.
 
Oh my god.
I sat cringing today watching that video, so embarrassed of my behaviour.
I DO NOT LIKE WHO I AM AS A DRUNK.
 
There were kids on the train this afternoon playing loud music. So selfish, as no-one else wants to listen to it. I sat there and thought about how shouting out all the time at *** wedding is just as selfish…no-one wants to listen to my voice all day and night.
I embarrass myself.
 
Why???
 
This addiction is killing me physically
This addiction is killing me mentally
 
I hate doing it, yet cant quite seem to summon the strength to let it go.❞
 
➡️ Today ⬅️
 
I remember that feeling and I do not miss it
Today I am proud of everything that I do
And I remember E V E R Y S I N G L E M O M E N T
I love my life
I love my self
I love and am grateful for every sober second xx
 
The shift from ‘journaling’ to ‘blogging’ came when I got sober
When I was journaling my writing was all about the struggle, and I tended to ONLY write when I needed to clear or get clarity around something, or of course the entries that were totally eligible due to intoxication. I thought I would stop writing altogether when I got sober as there would be nothing to write about. But in 2011 my story came bursting onto the page and my first book was written, ‘If You Could Have Anything…What Would It Be?’ (more info here). The book documented my last drink, and although I did have one more relapse I took my final drink just ten days before the launch of the book in October 2012.
 
This was then the beginning of the blog as I began to share my experience now that the worst of it was behind me; hindsight is a powerful thing. In 2015 I realised I was a writer and as I said those words for the first time, my whole body tingled and I knew that this was all meant to be. So it is not only a pleasure to share my journey and hopefully inspire you to believe in yourself, but my destiny. Many say they cannot believe how I find the words to share with you each day, but to be honest I cannot imagine not now!
 

Member Quote Of The Day:

In this section you will read something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over on the very lively private forum:
 
❝I think the older blogs will be so helpful for the newer members. Some of us know how far you’ve come and that is so inspirational. I think about your journey all the time and it keeps me going.❞ 
D, Online Programme, USA

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