For those reading this that don’t have a drink or drug problem, you may not realise that many of us have never had sober sex until we stop using. For the problem, remember, is NOT the substance, rather an underlying belief of not being enough:
Not enough to look you in the eye when speaking to you
Not enough to disagree with you
Not enough to believe that you would be interested in me
Not enough to say that actually what you are doing is not ok
And so we have a drink to take the edge off
Then begin to feel more comfortable in our own skin
Ah now we’re talking
I have the confidence to approach you now
Take my clothes off
Let you see me
I’m sure you can appreciate the problem and the vicious cycle you get into
Sex seems great when high
Terrifying when sober
So is avoided altogether on the occasions that you are not drinking / drugging. However the flip side of this is that many mornings I would wake up and not know if I’d had sex the night before, let alone remember it. For those not in relationship we put ourselves at terrible risk, and these mornings after are racked with even more guilt and shame than usual.
Fast forward for most on their sober journey, and the ‘first time’ really does take you back to your actual ‘first time’. You are about to break your sober sex virginity, and it’s terrifying.
Will you be accepted?
Will they like you?
What will it be like?
The difference with QS is that the whole programme is about digging underneath the substance you have chosen to hide behind, and reveal who you really are. We work on self-love, self-acceptance and self-worth. In meditation we sit with the true us, who we have always been, our essence, soul, spirit or whatever you would like to call pure consciousness.
This process is a coming home
A return to source
⚡🔥 And soon you realise that sober sex is in fact by far
the very best sex of all 🔥⚡
But there is that awkward in-between stage
What is it going to be like?
In relationship it’s not half as bad as when it is someone new; putting yourself ‘out there’ single, slap vulnerable bang in the middle of the dating game
For me it was easier
I stopped drinking before Dom did, but I’ll be honest in saying that I did not enjoy having sex with my drunk husband. When you drink you smother the ‘real’ you, they exit, depart, and you are left with an imposter; someone who is harsher, bolder, bolshier.
I tried to tell him but was met with a rebuff
My request for sober sex snubbed
We are not ourselves drunk
We cannot have it both ways; take the edge off of our nervousness AND get to feel the sexual act fully
They are paradoxical
And we must decide which one
Today Dom and I are both sober and I can honestly say I’ve never had such great sex. We are both 100% present, it means so much, it is real, it is powerful, and I would now never have it any other way.
Member Quote Of The Day.
In this section you will read something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over on the very lively private forum:
“Wow! Thank you Jo! That was a really powerful post for me to read. I totally agree with you about needing to move beyond the ‘disease’ thinking that actually just keeps you in the very prison you want to escape from (just sitting in a different cell!) What QS provides is an opportunity to escape the prison completely and be free!”
E, Online Programme