For The First Time In My Life I Am….


Following on from last weeks cacao confession, I have taken things one step further and eliminated caffeine too. I was only drinking a bit of oolong tea which is like green tea and very healthy, but still gives me a headache when taking it off the menu; that can’t be right.

When writing about my cacao addiction it dawned on me that up until THIS WEEK I have been using stimulants to ‘get through the day’ for the last 30 years. This is what I have used since I was 15, IN ORDER OF USE:
Black (builders) tea
Pro Plus
Green tea
Guarana (natural caffeine)
Oolong tea

My pattern has been, throughout the past three decades, to stop one of the above and REPLACE it with another. So most recently I ceased my cacao intake but upped my oolong tea drinking. I suddenly realised as I was writing last weeks cacao blog that I was going to completely stop ALL caffeine. I was READY to experience myself fully, warts and all (I don’t have any warts lol).

Looking back I can see that my belief was,

“I can’t be effective without (insert stimulant)”

I remember in the period of around 2008 – 2010 I would have codeine before teaching as my belief was it gave me energy, I then switched to guarana to do the same job; because it was healthier. I’d light up a cigarette in 2002 before making a telephone call, because I thought it gave me an edge. And of course I’d have a glass of wine up until 2012 to boost my confidence in social situations. I even would eat a small amount of cacao during the past year or so before doing a video or livestream so that I could ‘be my best’.

What strikes me is that I have NEVER really been me
I have always thought I NEEDED something to lift me and enhance me
And last weekend I pondered this deeply and decided that I really do want to experience myself wholly, with no prop, no fake improvement; just ME in my natural state. I drank my beloved oolong over the weekend, and from Sunday afternoon have been totally ‘clean’.

For the first time in my life I am
thoroughly and perfectly me
For seven days now there has been no stimulants other than the cacao ceremony before yoga class, and I feel totally and utterly liberated.
Who knew?
I have held a false belief my whole frigging life
And now have shattered it into teeny tiny pieces

Meditation gives me an edge
Meditation gives me energy
Meditation boosts my confidence
Meditation enables me to be my best

Dropping down
Uniting with my truth
Connecting to the immense power that is available NATURALLY, and which is blocked when a stimulant is present.

I feel freer than ever before
Me with no mask
(although I have had a titanic headache all week 🤕)

And I also feel powerful
To not NEED anything to be my full self
To realise that I had what I have been searching for all along
And this lifelong desire to be more awake, higher, expanded, comes from WITHIN rather than a substance. And boy has it taken me a literal lifetime to completely ‘get it’! Just as Thursdays musing talked about,
“For you first acquire information, then it gradually seeps deep down into every layer of your being until you understand it on all levels.”
Something happened to me in the past week
The stimulant subject reached a new level of understanding
And with it the ability to release the pattern
I  A M  F R E E
At last
Never again will I say or think,

“I need xxx before I do that / go there / talk to them / teach that class”

Life is becoming so subtle
Yet so real at the same time
I am so much MORE me than ever before
And I fall in love with life a little bit deeper every day, and now doing so SOBER in every sense I just know is going to take me to a whole new potential…..

*this blog was first published in September 2017


Member Quote Of The Day.

In this section you will read something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over on the very lively private forum:

So today I’m adding solpadeine  to Boot Hill . I’ve not taken any in a month or so but used to for hangovers and I had a stage where I would just use them to pep me up taking up to 8 a day when I felt fine!
……What’s on your Boot Hill list ?
Residential Retreat and Online Member

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