Day 106

Meet some of the community.

 

None of it was wrong.
Whatever your addiction has led you to do, had to happen to bring you to this point, reading this blog and learning about QS.
It was all meant to be like this.

YOUR ADDICTION IS YOUR TEACHER
So what is it teaching you?
The answer is what the QS meditations guide you towards, and I got a big fat answer a couple of days ago which I alluded to in yesterdays blog. My mentor pulled the information out of me like blood from a stone; I thought I’d leant what I needed to from my addiction teacher but no there was a lot more…..

I have never fit in.
As far back as I can remember there are memories of acting out, rebelling on every level, of doing things a different way.

And then as I began to let my light shine I got scared
It was too bright
I was visible and I didn’t want to show my differences
So I began to dull myself down
I drank to numb out
I partied hard by night and slunk into the shadows by day
I withdrew into the internal fight of addiction
Aged 16 with cigarettes all the way through to 40 years old; one substance after another diminishing my light

And it went on until I could accept myself for who I really was
Until it felt safe to be me
But in those dark years it was like I was trying to kill the real me, obliterate her, and offer the world what I thought it wanted me to be instead

I’m shocked looking back at how little regard I had for me back then
How I truly believed I wasn’t enough
When all I had to really do was be more me, rather than less
I had it completely back to front

And so many go through life like this totally unaware of what they are doing. But us addicts have chosen a teacher to guide us back to ourselves. Without the drugs and alcohol I would probably still be walking around blindly appeasing the world around me, and I am thankful to them for teaching me how to like and then love myself.

Now I can conduct myself as my authentic self
I no longer need to show the world another face, a false language or an exaggerated version of me.
What you see is what you get now, and I am ok if people don’t understand or get me. For my life is at last congruent on every level and if feels so good to be me again!

And what did I do to achieve this?
You know me well enough by now to know the answer I’m sure!
MEDITATION
Sitting with yourself, over and over again.
Learning about who you really are
Realising that you ARE enough just as you are

Thank you drugs
Thank you cigarettes
Thank you wine

Without you I wouldn’t know myself half as well as I do now.
None of it was wrong.
It all had to be like this, and I am eternally grateful for what I have learned.

 

Day 109

I’m not going to do it for you.

 

This is the biggest difference between Quantum Sobriety and addiction programmes of old.
In the past it’s been about giving your power over to something outside of yourself, to the teacher or higher power. QS is the total opposite:

You take your power back
NO ONE can do this for you
NO ONE has the power to change YOUR mindset other than you.

So the teacher can give you ACCESS to the tools, information and path, but the teacher CANNOT do the work for you.
This means that as frustrating as it sometimes is for the teacher, it is their job to hold the space for the work to be done but to get out of the way and not control the situation.

BIG DIFFERENCE

Every single person on the planet arrives with lessons to learn.
No one is an exception to this.
I’m sure you can look back and already see that what has happened to you has taught you so much.

Every single person on the planet arrives with a means to learn these lessons:
Addiction, illness, tragedy, struggle of some kind.

Nobody gets off!
Addiction is ours, and if we don’t listen to the message that it brings and learn the lesson that it offers we will die not knowing.
BUT because you are reading this, your frequency is dialled in to mine.
YOU ARE READY.

I keep getting these three words whispered in my ear, over and over again.
YOU ARE READY.

We are about to step into a time so exciting that I can hardly contain my excitement.
This community is ready for transformation.
Many are already there; looking forward to their first sober Christmas as an adult.
Not struggling, not triggered, not wishing they could have ‘just one’,
but CELEBRATING THEIR SOBRIETY.

We have been preparing for this the whole of our lives, and in the community for the past couple of months. QS is ready for it’s first Christmas!

So I can open the door for you.
I can offer you the tools.
I will guide you to freedom.
But YOU have to make the commitment, because I can’t do it for you, as then you won’t be able to hold the frequency.

If you are ready then please don’t delay in joining us, freedom tastes so sweet.
And what better Christmas present can you give yourself?

 

Day 110

Your cover’s blown.

 

I see you in all of your glory.
I believe in you.

Your covers blown
You cannot hide away any longer, numbing out with substances and behaviours that make you small.
No more pretending.
It is time.
If I can see the light inside you then why can’t you?
Why do you keep shutting down and giving yourself less than you deserve?

Your covers blown
There is no more hiding.
As we close down this nine year cycle (2+0+1+6=9) we all step out onto a different shore.
It will become increasingly difficult to live out of our truth.
Only when we are in it will we feel alive.
And it is this aliveness, joy and happiness that we must follow….

 

Day 111

Follow The Magic.

 

Do only what feels good.
Why would you do the other stuff?
When we live from the heart we follow magic, bliss, happiness and truth.
THAT is what this next nine year cycle is all about (2+0+1+7=10 & 1+0=1)

We are not meant to struggle, even though society has always told us so.
We are not meant to be unhappy, even though we are taught ‘life is tough’
We are not meant to be addicted, even though alcohol and crappy food is EVERYWHERE.

When you are part of this community you live a different way.
No longer do you accept what has gone before.
EVERYTHING IS NEW NOW.
YOU are ready for this next cycle that is about to begin, and I’d actually say has already begun. I certainly can feel a change in the air, can you? 

There has been a lot of sickness flying around in the past few weeks.
The weather has been crazy too (certainly here in Guatemala!).
It’s like a final shakedown as we approach this new paradigm.
Shaking us
Waking us
Forcing us into our truth.

And there is one piece of magic that I want you to be VERY aware of.
When it happens it is a pure message guiding us towards our truth. It is:
SYNCHRONICITY
This is a higher form of message than words.
And if you have a question to ask, or guidance to seek then ask away and have your eyes open to the message that comes back. It won’t arrive as you expect it! We are entering an age where everything is lighter, brighter, more effortless, IF YOU ALLOW IT TO BE.

You have to of course have your eyes open for these magical messages.
They are subtle so you have to be ready.
You must be willing to let them in.
Are you?

 

Day 112

The magical teaching of cacao in her homeland.

 

 

Today we say goodbye to our beloved Guatemala and head back to the UK.
We both feel so blessed to have Lake Atitlan in our lives and of course cacao which is what brought us here in the first place.

She is a plant medicine like no other.
She’s soft and gentle, coaxing you into beautiful places within yourself that you never thought imaginable. Yesterday it being our last full day on the lake I had my own private cacao ceremony as Dom walked up the volcano (which is his meditation and way of connection through nature). I had the most powerful and intense meditation with tears streaming down my face as I touched in on something so magical, so enchanting, almost miraculous.

It is a place that cacao has shown me.
Somewhere that I can now take myself without her, but she initiated the way.

There is something about consuming cacao here in Guatemala in her homeland that has taken my connection to her, and myself, to the next level. The Cacao Shaman pointed to the volcanoes on the other side of the lake and told me that she comes from just beyond there, lower down in the forests nearer the coast; she likes it warmer than up here in the highlands.

We were meant to go to our last ceremony with the Cacao Shaman on Monday but Dom and I were both feeling odd after the ceremony on Sunday, plus the weather has been crazy wild here the last 48 hours or so, so we decided to stay at the eco-lodge and rest.

However there was a huge battle between my head and heart.
Head: “It’s the last ceremony and a great opportunity, you should go”
Heart: “You’ve had enough energy work already, stay here”

It was tough as I watched this internal battle.
And it was only when I fully realised what was going on that I knew exactly what I needed to do. What we ALWAYS need to do:

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
For your heart knows best.
This is the voice of truth.
Head is stuck in addiction and the past, but heart KNOWS your unique truth.

The decision was then make and I let the battle go.
We had a lovely relaxed day watching the wind whip the lake water into the air; we even got wet on a number of occasions as it lifted 2 or 3 stories up to where we were sitting!

A boat came untied and floated all night in the bay, a huge window smashed, numerous plant pots and a whole trellis fell over, there were even swirling vortexes of water on the lake. And unfortunately a worker at the lodge was hit by a flying piece of wood and rushed to hospital to have stitches.

HIGH ENERGY STUFF

And so I sat with it.
I observed and watched the force of nature.
And then yesterday the Chocolate Shaman (Keith) and his partner Barbara came to see us at the lodge to say goodbye and we got him all to ourselves over breakfast! What a gift! What amazing friends! How lucky are we!

So our last day turned into the most powerful of them all.
Paying homage to cacao in her homeland, enjoying the journey she has taken me on over the last three years, and spending time with my teacher. And I wanted to share the experience because cacao is connected to the heart; she can be (if you are connected to her, not everyone is) a facilitator on the journey to truth and transformation, and she is the reason we physically travel to Guatemala (with empty suitcases outbound and full of the sweet smell of cacao inbound). You can purchase her here if you’d like to try for yourself.
And this photo is of the four of us yesterday, friends and quantum travel companions!

 

In this section you will read something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over on the very lively private forum: