Just setting foot in Holland has been monumental for me; the last time I was here I was as high as a kite getting back on the plane to the UK. I’ve taken LSD, ecstasy, all strengths of weed, and of course space cakes in this country! So to be here for a totally different reason, with the polar opposite INTENTION, is powerful.
Of course back then I was searching so desperately to ‘find myself’; taking drugs to reach the level that I am now constantly in -sober- and I know that part of this journey, and the fact it is in a country where when younger I so heavily abused my body, is about healing the past so that I can step forwards more clearly into the future.
I’m doing this journey zonder (Dutch for without) social media, even deleting the messenger and Facebook apps from my phone as I can’t be trusted not to have a sneaky check. The first day I caught myself doing just that with Whattsapp and emails, but soon began to settle into not checking my phone every five minutes. Of course social media is a rampant addiction sweeping all western societies, and I have been longing to flush out the compulsion to pick my phone up needlessly throughout the day, and create a healthier relationship to the digital world.
As I meditated in my room on the first day a question dropped in,
“What are my personal boundaries?”
At first I wondered if I had any at all, and it became very clear as I viewed the question from different angles that I wanted more. Was this to be one of the themes of this retreat I pondered? It was an astounding YES to less social media, as even towards the end of my first day without it I had already dropped the obsession to check how many likes I had, who was doing what, and generally finding entertainment from OUTSIDE of myself.
Of course as soon as we lay our happiness or acceptance of self EXTERNALLY we are absolutely doomed to fail. By giving our power away, no matter what the substance is, we empty ourselves of life force and end up depleted emotionally, spiritually as well as physically.
You may not have had a habit for drugs or alcohol but do you have an addiction to social media? What you search for in your tiny screen, can you also find within yourself? Acceptance, entertainment, happiness, what else does your phone give you? And why can’t you find that within yourself?
What is distracting you from being you?
The thing is if you don’t get to the ROOT of the problem then you will quite probably shift one substance for another and even, like me, go from substance addiction to other more subtle fixations like social media, food, and emotional attachments. And the real problem with these is that they are even more interwoven and accepted in our society; you must eat; we all own smart phones, meaning we have to learn the art of moderation.
Already I had gifted myself a powerful insight and I hadn’t even arrived at the venue yet! My day one travel day was spent at Eindhoven airport in the most amazing hotel room in a hotel perched above the airport terminal. My room had a birds-eye view of the runway, and for this girl who absolutely loves flying and people watching, I was in heaven.
Got my watch on, phone is packed away, and am off to the venue now with the first session later on today. I know that when I return to this airport in seven days time I am going to be feeling very very different. I feel a redirection on my own course trajectory coming, and I am ready!
Read here something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over in our lively private forum:
“Another thing about sobriety is learning that energy has peaks and dips which aren’t always to do with drink as I often used to think.. we attune to our own cycles which is wonderful. To come home to yourself x“
*this blog was first published in July 2018