Cannot find it anywhere
…yes I’m talking about my ambition
Something that I have been identified by since I can remember
Starting to work full-time in London at 16 I pushed myself from day one; always wanting:
The next promotion
Then, self-employment from 2000 has amplified this need to acquire even MORE
Next, the bankruptcy which heightened this urgency to be viewed a certain way
“I’m not a failure, honest”
So push push push, off we go again, at an even higher pace; and the search for ‘prosperity’ began
And prosper I certainly did
Amazing husband, big house, nice car, hot tub, successful business, literally living the dream, all alongside an ever lengthening meditation practice
“I’m not a yoga teacher any more”
I proclaimed a couple of years ago
Meaning that my spiritual practice had shifted away from the physical postures, and toward a deepening understanding of the nature of my own mind.
For the past couple of years it has all been about letting go of ego
Clearing and cleansing my own ‘stuff’ so that I can be a clear channel and able to serve more wholly
Gradually letting go of my own personal desire to ‘succeed’
And then there was a tipping point at the beginning of this year
Which I will tell you about in more detail one day
But suffice to say from that moment onwards ego began to subside
I could feel it withdraw
S L O W L Y I began to disentangle from my life-long beliefs around ‘success’
I gave away my ‘need’ for it
I gave away my ‘need’ for ANYTHING
For I had discovered what I’d been searching for my whole life
And it was within me
So the direction of my life totally changed seven months ago
And has been retreating even further away like the pull of the tide
I NO LONGER ‘NEED’ ANYTHING
And what a revelation that observation is
To KNOW that nothing can touch me, harm me, affect me
To KNOW that the search is truly over
To KNOW that what I have touched in on this year is PERMANENT
And when you no longer need anything
I don’t need to get ‘somewhere’
Because I’m already here!
So the drive has gone
And what is left is a deep knowing of self
A familiarity with source
And a desire to be with it constantly
I NO LONGER ‘NEED’ ANYTHING
Yes I have the amazing husband – but he doesn’t ‘complete’ me (I am complete already)
Yes I have the big house – but it doesn’t define me
Yes I have a nice car – but I don’t ‘need’ it
Yes I have a successful business – but it is not about me, but about how I can serve others
Of course there is a process leading up to this point
On Saturday I am leading a manifestation workshop (couple of spaces remaining) where we’ll be working on vision boards, it’s still valid, but you do transcend the vision board once you are proficient in the concept; and that is when all needs drop. And this is the path that I want to take YOU on, I don’t want this freedom and bliss for myself; it is your right too.
And I never ever did imagine that life could be this good
If you had said to me just a few years ago that I would be ambition-less in a short while, I would have been horrified! For the identity to ‘success’ was still a strong bond. But it has been a necessary one to understand fully that I have everything I need, we all do, so please join me on this journey deep within; to where all answers lie…..
*this blog was originally published in July 2017
Member Quote Of The Day.
In this section you will read something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over on the very lively private forum:
So I’ll go home with wonderful thoughts that I’ve conquered a huge 2 week holiday that has been exceptionally boozy for others apart from me.
I am now THE OBSERVER!
I’m free x“
Residential Retreat and Online Member