Daily Motivation 300
It was not only drugs and alcohol that I struggled with
I was in a ten year relationship from age 20 to 30 that nearly destroyed me. For I knew in my heart that I needed to leave him, but had never experienced all consuming love before so didn’t quite believe that ‘the fairytale’ was possible.
I share this with you today because back then it was essential I had people around me to reassure me that my dreams were possible; that the love I gave deserved to be returned; I needed to be lifted up and told it was all going to be ok.
And of course it was
After this ten year relationship I was single pretty much for the next six; lonely and drinking, but sure that my prince would show himself eventually.
He did in 2008
I married him in 2011
He is my soul mate, business partner, and best friend.
And to find the deep acceptance and understanding that he gifts me everyday, I do believe that all that I’ve been through in my relationships up to this point played a huge role in todays happiness. The polarity of what I have now and what I am about to share with you couldn’t be greater, and boy do I appreciate the fruits of the last 30 years of dating!
What you will read below is a few months before we finally did split.
After tearing each other apart.
Yet I have no regrets
He loved me the best he could, just couldn’t give me the dream life I knew I was capable of experiencing…..
November 2001
❝I am sliced down the middle. My heart is speaking to me but my head is saying something different. The opposite! Which way do I go?
Do I accept, or do I loose everything for something that may not exist?
I love him with my whole heart and he loves me with his whole heart
….and I’m not satisfied with that, it’s NOT ENOUGH! for me!!! How ridiculous, who do I think I am?!
Am I being selfish and unrealistic, or am I just being true to myself. I believe you can have whatever you want in life, just make it happen. So along these lines I’m not being unrealistic and I should leave *** behind to find someone who understands me, loves me, adores me, and SHOWS IT.
But *** does understand me, love me and adore me. He just doesn’t have the words. He has the feelings.
IS IT ENOUGH?
This is the million dollar question. Even *** feels he can never make me truly happy, he said as much, and it makes him deeply unhappy.
Am I living in a fairytale world where a couple understand each other, without words. They respect and enjoy each others differences. There’s no anger or resentment. IS THIS REAL?
Am I searching for the impossible?
Should I accept *** for who he is….
(of course I should, this goes without saying)
….imperfections and all. Should I feel his love, even though he doesn’t show it.
Should I just GROW UP!
Is that whats happened here? Am I being a baby. Poor Jo, poor Jo, poor Jo, *** is so awful to you Jo. But is he? Or am I so wrapped up in what SHOULD BE the correct behaviour, that I’m actually missing all the love he DOES show me?!
I want the fairytale.
I give *** so much and how little I receive in return. Only impatience, defensiveness and anger. He always seems to be pissed off with me over something. Theres never acceptance on his part.
I have to move on and search for my dreams. This is what I teach to people, that anything is possible….so true love must be included in that too. Love that gives as much as it receives, love that shows understanding and NO ANGER. I need softness now, nurturing and encouragement. I want to grow and be supported in my growth, not feel bad because I’ve changed and left the other behind. Someone who believes in my dreams and can share them with me.
*** doesn’t share the shop – not interested
*** doesn’t share yoga – not interested
*** doesn’t share my beliefs – not interested
In fact *** is NOT INTERESTED in pretty much everything to do with me, and I’m not included in his likes.
God this is difficult, why can’t it be easy?❞
Member Quote Of The Day:
In this section you will read something that has been said by one of the Quantum Sobriety Online Programme members over on the very lively private forum:
❞M, Online Programme, USA
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