More cat fighting in my home
More distress
More soul searching for me

For
Whenever I witness misalignment externally I immediately look within to find where the inner imbalance lies

As
If there is pain, fear or mistrust felt, then there is sure something going on

So
In I go
Questioning
And the answers begin to announce themselves instantly…

In last weekends Gong Wash as I lay there I noticed where my mind wanted to go, and there was a pattern. The conversation in my head went like this:

• “The floor is vibrating, I hope nothings wrong”
• “The window is open downstairs, I hope the curtain rail hasn’t come down”
• “Where are the cats, they will hate this noise”
• “Goodness it’s so windy, I hope the awning will be ok”
• “I hope the gong won’t be too loud for everyone”

I quickly noticed that the theme was:

And I don’t perceive myself to be a particularly worrying person
Yet here I was worrying about frigging everything that could possibly happen
I was even lookingfor things to worry about!

And then once the worry had revealed itself
I could apply the same question to the ‘problem’ at hand;
The cat fighting

Tara had hobbled in on Saturday morning with a wound on her leg and soaked to the skin. I of course went into dotting mummy-mode and shut her into the office and didn’t allow either cat in or out; wrapping them in cotton wool and doing what I thought ‘best’.

There is nothing wrong of course with looking after your babies, (whether they be human or the fur variety) but when you become slightly obsessed with what ‘could’ happen it is time to sit back and take stock.

Add to this my belief that life is a hologram, and everything that I see physically appear in front of me has been projected from within me, and I have to question WHY HAVE I CREATED THIS?

Then I open up Facebook and the first thing that pops up is a post from Matt Kahn, and this message:

“What negative attributes are exposed and healed and which positive attributes are strengthened by life not going according to your plan?” 
I come back to my own inner compass
Find alignment
And allow my Inner Guidance to check in with the words

I see I am trying to control the cat situation
How I attempt to make changeless something that is in constant flow
ie: energy

I go deeper still
WHY do I allow myself to come out of alignment and into something that doesn’t FEEL good? (control never feels good)
And the answer confesses itself:

SECURITY

And in that moment I realise that this is such an old wound
Ready to be flushed out of my system
Via my beloved cats
A friend who I was discussing this with last weekend said something,

“Did Tara pick you so you could learn this?
Is she attracting this to teach you and out of love for you?”

I was literally sobbing as soon as I heard her words 😭😭😭
This was root chakra security stuff
Primal
Survival
Safety

And I knew that I was being asked to step out into unknown and potentially unsafe territory
I WAS BEING FRIGGING TESTED TO THE MAX
Do I want to go to the next level
Where is my faith
Can I trust the unknown
And then it landed….

I was about to transcend worry
And teeter out into the unknown territory of uncertainty and not only be ok with it, but EXCITED
The cats are gifting me this
I am growing
And I know it’s not going to be an easy journey
But I’m up for it

And then
I got to thinking about a cat’s karma
And how I am changing it when I breakup a fight
Should I leave them to it?
For I cannot be watching every second of every day anyway!

Am I changing the course of what is meant to be
Or DELAYING a cat’s karma by getting involved
Could I do the unthinkable?
Could I let go of control completely?
Could I allow my cats to be my biggest teachers?

I want to
I want to let go
The thought of releasing my tight grip on what I thinkshould happen is in alignment with my Inner Guidance
I do know that this is what is being asked at this time
But it’s scary to take the leap

I’m doing it though
I’m letting them take responsibility
And unbelievably it actually feels quite good…..

Residential Retreat and Online Member