Daily Motivation 193

I live life a completely different way now.
It’s not always been a life of ease and enjoyment.
I’ve had years of struggle, tears, pain, frustration, remorse, guilt, shame and regret.

A DIFFERENT TYPE OF HIGH
The picture on the left is me high on drugs (ecstasy or cocaine or maybe both) around 2004. The photo resurfaced recently on Facebook because somebody liked it, and the comments came up from a number of years ago when it was first posted. This is what I had to say about it in 2008,

” awwwww just one of sooooo many top nights iv had at ***…..look at me having the time of my life! 😉 ”

Today I look at that photo and think,

“ that poor girl needs to stop taking drugs, eat better, and start looking after herself :'( ”

And no longer do I think that getting off my head on drugs constitutes a good night or ‘having the time of my life’.
I do quite literally think differently now.
And back then I didn’t think it was possible to think the way I do now.
Amazing.
A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SWEAT
The picture on the right is of me yesterday post workout.
When I train I listen to deep dark house music; the sort of music I would have been ‘having the time of my life’ to back in the day.
I still totally love the music.
Only NOW it pushes me harder in the gym rather than on the dance floor.
During yesterdays session I had a flashback to my clubbing days; an image of Jo 15 or 20 years ago. And I suddenly remembered how lost and unhappy I was. Of course back then I had no reference point like I do now, so I had no idea just how good life could be so I settled for less than I knew deep down I was worth.

Looking back I can now see that I was desperately unhappy in my job, relationship and financially, and health-wise I was eating crap, smoking 20 cigarettes a day, puffing, with class A’s every weekend.

Weekends were my escape.
I worked so hard all week, commuting into central London, that I felt that I ‘deserved’ the release that the drugs gave me. It was also the ONLY time that me and my then partner liked each other; the highs were so high and then we crashed back down to reality with such a painful bump; back to the fact that we simply did not really like each other at all.

As my mind travelled back 20 years I was once again 24 year old Jo partying hard, and I was overwhelmed with sadness for her. For she was struggling to find herself, searching for meaning and happiness, she was not where she wanted to be in any area of her life. I cried yesterday as I remembered how lost I was in what seems like a previous life.

Then I cried even harder as I snapped back into the present moment and where I am now. The realisation of just how far i’ve come almost too much to comprehend.

Everything suddenly came into focus.
All at once I saw how the changes in my life have been so gradual; imperceptible shifts occurring daily.
How we plateau and then suddenly have a QUANTUM LEAP in consciousness.

Now that I believe that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE
Now that I am living my dream life:
Sober, happy, content, healthy, fit, calm, at peace, and living with passion.
I live ON PURPOSE and IN MY PURPOSE

And the realisation that there is NOTHING that I would change was overwhelming.
Having that sense of distance from the ‘old’ me; the old and limited way I lived my life, which is all that I knew back then.

A DIFFERENT TYPE OF HIGH
Natural, genuine, congruent, supportive, healthy = LOVE

A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SWEAT
Natural, genuine, congruent, supportive, healthy = LOVE

And this is what Quantum Sobriety is offering: the bridge between these two worlds. Becoming more of who you really are at soul level; I still love listening to house music only now I do it in a way that supports me rather than kills me.
I do not deny any part of myself, because I am more of myself.
There is no substance covering me up.
It’s raw.
Genuine.
Real.
And I can honestly say I LOVE MY LIFE.
So if you want some of that, then QS is for you.

*While Jo is in a private retreat we will be sharing some of her blogs from the archive which we hope you will enjoy revisiting, or reading for the first time. 

This blog was originally posted on 03/05/16

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